damn you for thinking you’re always right
damn you for coming up with illogical arguments
damn you for mindlessly repeating everything we say as if it has any significance to whatever argument you’re trying to make
damn you for criticizing every move i make and every word i say
damn you for all your judgement
damn you insisting you’re right when we ALL clearly know you’re wrong
damn you for lecturing us when it will only infuriate us more
damn you for yelling at us for buying things when we don’t have a job when you don’t have a job yourself
damn you for being a hypocrit
damn the fact that it will never change
thank god i’m leaving back to school in 3 days so i won’t have to damn you… any further
do you remember when I was little and you would let me drink your coffee?
the one which ONLY had milk…never made with water
the one that always had way more sugar than coffee…what was it? 3 spoons to 1/4 spoon?
the one that I believed caused me to go to the hospital?
the time it was actually for my asthma?
and I actually believed it was the coffee and blamed you until the end of middle school?
because I remember.
do you remember when mayee was little and my mom was out late?
and how mayee was really worried about her?
so for comfort she came into your bed?
and she slept there with you the whole night?
because she remembers.
do you remember when alden was little and how he would take off his clothes when he got mad?
how he’d announce to the world that he’s mad?
how then in five seconds he would appear before everyone naked?
no matter who was at the house?
how then it wasn’t enough embarrassment to be naked but he had to run around the house also?
and sometimes even outside?
how you would threaten to cut of his titi?
how you would go through your drawer, find scissors, aim it at his titi and threaten him again?
and how he would run away in terror as me and mayee laughed SOO hard?
because he (shamefully) remembers (no matter how much he denies it).
do you remember when bem bem was little and how she got into the habit of walking straight into the bedroom or kitchen?
how she would often walk right by you?
how tita imee or uncle joey would call her back, “Hoy, Janelle!”?
how you would say, “Galing ha? Hindi ka bless.”?
how bem would sorrowfully take you hand and bless?
how she would come back into the room, sit down, and look sad for a minute while me or mayee would repeat, “Hoy, Bem! Galing ha?”?
Because (I bet) she remembers.
do you remember when me and mayee were like 12 and 13 and we noticed your eyes were blue?
then we asked my mom what color she believed they were and she said brown?
and how we laughed so hard?
then we told her they were blue and she explained it was the cataracts?
then we asked you what color you thought they were and you said brown?
and how we told you they were blue?
and you continued to say they were brown?
and how when we laughed you got mad?
because we remember.
do you remember when you would watch TFC all day everyday and how I would sneak up behind you?
how I would poke the back of your head and duck behind your wheelchair?
and you would turn around to see no one there?
but you would KNOW that it was me?
and I would smile because you knew me so well?
and how you would joke and say I’m the only one who annoys you like that?
and I would come up to your side, touch your arm, and your automatic response it to lift up your sleeve and flap the loose skin hanging from your arm?
and we would both laugh about how weird but cool your arm felt?
do you remember the first time I came back from cal poly for mayee’s birthday?
how at first you didn’t recognize me?
and the moment you did you said, “my lalay, you’re home.”?
and even though I never told you did you know how much saying just that changed my life?
how it instantly made me happier?
how it made me feel brighter?
as if I were glowing?
how I will carry it with me forever?
While only a few out of all the amazing memories, I cherish these memories of you the most, and I hope these memories of you never fade.
why am i awake? well my dad drove me back to cal poly at 4 dis morning…finals week T_T* can u say stressed? as if i dont have other stuff goin on in my life!!!!
why cant i just pass my classes in peace? or even fail my classes in peace??? even tho i dont really think im failing any but STILL!!! i want peace!
well enuf of my pointless rant.
time to be creative and/ or productive